2:59

I’ll lead with something that speaks to my practical side, and this is of particular interest to bands who pack their own promo mailings and/or small record labels. The big guys have too much of a budget for this sort of thing. I know that when you’re filling that envelope you’re filled with the urge to include some strange artefact to get the reviewer’s attention. I’ve seen crayons, plastic bugs, hardened Halloween candy that no sane person would eat, and every imaginable variety of button and stickers. Now, the former items in that list are far less clever than you thing they are, and are only of interest to the reviewer if they’re between 7 and 10 year old. Otherwise it’s just more crap in a the ever growing heap of crap. It doesn’t even stack well, to boot.

If you really want to catch the reviewer’s attention and root yourself in their homes here’s what you should spring for: matches. It’s the most useful item you could possibly give outside of your CD and one sheet. Have a few booklets printed up and stamp them with your logo. That booklet, I guarantee you, will not go to waste and at least spend some time as part of the reviewer’s home. I’m overjoyed to get matches with a promo. They’re useful. They make my life easier. I don’t even smoke and I can appreciate having a readily available means to make fire around. It’s what separates us from the animals.

Now, you may argue that a bottle opener is a good useful promo item as well. In principle yes, but only if you don’t go cheap. There’s nothing that angers a reviewer more than losing an eye because his cheap plastic bottle opener snapped on the Waterloo Dark. Preventing the easy opening of beer makes your metalcore band far, far worse than it probably is.

(An exception goes to straight edge hardcore bands that distribute bottle openers. Do that and you win points for having a sense of humour.)